Hey, all. Warning, this is a rant. I'm feeling shitty right now, and pissy, and this is my way of venting so I don't feel like I ought to be destroying things.
Ever feel taken advantage of? Or taken for granted?
As you probably know if you've read any of my previous posts, I'm head-over-heels in love with my boyfriend, and, for the most part, our relationship is great.
Recently, though, I've been feeling like I'm not a priority in his life. Sure, I hear from him, but only when things are boring or otherwise going badly. If he's got other stuff going on, I'm the last thing on his mind, but if I'm not home when he calls, he gets all antsy like something's wrong. Kinda makes ya feel taken for granted. That I'll be here when he calls, that I'll be happy to see him (which I am) when he comes to visit, and that I'll make time for him. But, if I call, and he's got something else going on, he just keeps on doing whatever he's doing (talking with friends, watching a movie, etc.), and pretty much ignores me on the phone.
Visits. There's another one. I see my boyfriend about once a month, sometimes twice. He generally has three nights off and then he has to go back to work. For this pass, he took some days of leave, so he'd have a long break from his guard deployment. Talked a big talk, like we were gonna spend lots of time together, take a vacation on the coast, go out to a nice dinner with his brother and mom, shoot some pool, and generally have a great time. He got off work Friday morning. I didn't hear from him till about an hour ago (if you're not counting, that's Saturday night). He says "Oh, yeah, I'll be up sometime tomorrow afternoon, and I'll be leaving again Wednesday morning, maybe Wednesday afternoon." For those of you that can't use a calendar, that's three nights. Same as every other pass. No extra time. Not even a day. And he doesn't have to be back at work till Sunday night.
And then there's the money. Over a year ago, he made an agreement with me to pay me back some money from when we were together before. Since that day, I've seen about a fifth of the total. At first, it wasn't a big deal, he was barely making expenses with the job he had. But, now that he's activated, he's making expenses. And he's spent the entire amount he owes me at least twice over, buying a new rifle, new toys for his car, DVD's, computer parts, lunch out for his friends, etc. Now, I don't know about any of you, but that makes me feel pretty damn disregarded and taken advantage of. Here I am with expenses and bills to pay, and he's spending money on toys rather than paying me back. I bring it up once in a while (less than once a month), asking when he'll pay me back, or commenting about a new toy he's bought, and he always gets real defensive and pissy. He's generous enough while he's here, buying meals out and going shopping and all, but getting him to pay me back, rather than just spend money, is like pulling teeth, and I'm no dentist.
I'm not going to give him ultamatums, or withhold sex or cuddles, or pull any stupid games, because that isn't what our relationship is about. So far, these issues I'm bitching about aren't a "deal-breaker," they're just really annoying.
So far.
posted by Katherine at 10:31 PM
